May you improve a little bit
I read this article this morning and thought that people have been telling me this for years, but until I have been so sick, I didn't see any point in slowing down or doing less. I like being busy. I like being productive.
Underpinning it of course is deep motivations. What are those motivations? Well...
1. When you don't have kids, and all your friends (pretty much) do, you see your life as being less full. Therefore it's important that you fill it up with meaningful things, because apparently life is not meaningful unless it's full
2. When both your parents are still pretty work-a-holicky, then clearly you have to prove something
3. When you work in universities, and all the academics are busy working all the time, and you only work 40 hours per week (on average, including lunch) then you need to do more, because they are doing more
Really, it's about proving myself and showing myself not to be lazy.
One of the best things about this illness, if not the best thing, is that none of those motivations trump the inability of my body to stay well. I've always thought that I get sicker than other people, more often. I put it down to trauma as a child and depression, both of which have major research behind them saying that those who have serious events in their past have weakened immune systems. But it always sounded like I was making excuses and maybe I was just lazy.
But now, my body is saying to me, saying to my work, saying to my friends, saying to my family, saying to the world, you CLEARLY need to rest more. All my reading I've found online about glandular says that people *rarely* have a second bout of glandular. The fact that I have, and almost 4 months later I'm still only at about 60% of normal, is a BIG GIANT WARNING sign to me that I must do less. I must.
Anyway, enough of these ruminations, and back to the original point of writing today - May (as a month) is done. What did it involve?
Well, I started the month trying to do about 3 hours per day at work, and sometimes missing work and working from home. I ended last week having done 21.75 hours in a week where I was supposed to do 35. I have now used up all my leave except for my LSL.
I was able to get a lift and go on the Women's retreat for the first time in 3 years - it was a great weekend in Katoomba with a bunch of awesome ladies.
I was invited to a graduation lunch with one of my leaders and her Vietnamese family (they wanted me to come for dinner but I am not well enough to go to dinner at the moment during the week when I am also trying to work)
I had lunch with my friend Annie - she brought over home made lasagne. I had dinner at the pastor's house to get together people who live in my suburb (which was recently taken over by our church on agreement with the church who is supposed to have jurisdiction because we have more resources).
I interviewed about 30 people for the positions next semester - still have a few interviews to run in June. My boss also interviewed a few people who couldn't make mornings (because by afternoon I am not able to stay at work due to exhaustion).
So really, it was a pretty quiet month, compared to GBGF (Georgina before Glandular Fever) but I actually did more in May than I have done since January.
Underpinning it of course is deep motivations. What are those motivations? Well...
1. When you don't have kids, and all your friends (pretty much) do, you see your life as being less full. Therefore it's important that you fill it up with meaningful things, because apparently life is not meaningful unless it's full
2. When both your parents are still pretty work-a-holicky, then clearly you have to prove something
3. When you work in universities, and all the academics are busy working all the time, and you only work 40 hours per week (on average, including lunch) then you need to do more, because they are doing more
Really, it's about proving myself and showing myself not to be lazy.
One of the best things about this illness, if not the best thing, is that none of those motivations trump the inability of my body to stay well. I've always thought that I get sicker than other people, more often. I put it down to trauma as a child and depression, both of which have major research behind them saying that those who have serious events in their past have weakened immune systems. But it always sounded like I was making excuses and maybe I was just lazy.
But now, my body is saying to me, saying to my work, saying to my friends, saying to my family, saying to the world, you CLEARLY need to rest more. All my reading I've found online about glandular says that people *rarely* have a second bout of glandular. The fact that I have, and almost 4 months later I'm still only at about 60% of normal, is a BIG GIANT WARNING sign to me that I must do less. I must.
Anyway, enough of these ruminations, and back to the original point of writing today - May (as a month) is done. What did it involve?
Well, I started the month trying to do about 3 hours per day at work, and sometimes missing work and working from home. I ended last week having done 21.75 hours in a week where I was supposed to do 35. I have now used up all my leave except for my LSL.
I was able to get a lift and go on the Women's retreat for the first time in 3 years - it was a great weekend in Katoomba with a bunch of awesome ladies.
I was invited to a graduation lunch with one of my leaders and her Vietnamese family (they wanted me to come for dinner but I am not well enough to go to dinner at the moment during the week when I am also trying to work)
I had lunch with my friend Annie - she brought over home made lasagne. I had dinner at the pastor's house to get together people who live in my suburb (which was recently taken over by our church on agreement with the church who is supposed to have jurisdiction because we have more resources).
I interviewed about 30 people for the positions next semester - still have a few interviews to run in June. My boss also interviewed a few people who couldn't make mornings (because by afternoon I am not able to stay at work due to exhaustion).
So really, it was a pretty quiet month, compared to GBGF (Georgina before Glandular Fever) but I actually did more in May than I have done since January.
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