Psychologist
So, I've been seeing this psychologist now for over 4 months. My new wonderful GP at uni recommended her. The Federal Government (the old one) set up a way of claiming benefits from Medicare for seeing psychologists, so even though she charges me $170 for the hour, I get $78 back, which leaves me $92 out of pocket.
When I first saw her, I was in a really bad way. Not sleeping. Terribly anxious. Pulling out my hair (literally). So she was really good that first session. She said that I'd been acting like I was in a prison and everyone was watching me, but that I didn't have to feel like that. I was almost paranoid with anxiety that my boss wouldn't approve my probation and I'd be out of a job.
Since then, as you may know, my boss has left and I'm still at the job. It's a lot better, but it's still a hard job and I often find it extremely demanding.
And you'll know, my readers, some of my history. Divorced family. Lots of angst and terror over the break up. Lots of court cases. Sexual abuse and incest. Alcoholism and violence. Running away at 14. And my 20's being a lot of problems with depression, suicidality and the like.
Well, thankfully I'm in a much better place now. Relatively stable and able to cope with most of life. The thing is, am I wasting my money with this therapy?
The reason I ask is that 2 out of the last 4 times my psychologist has been late. At least 15 minutes late. When it's only an hour (really 55 min by the time we finish and pay). She's charged me $150 each time, but it still feels like a lot. And because she's been late, even though she's given me homework, which I've usually completed, she doesn't ask. And when she's late, it feels like she's forgotten my history.
She's also very perceptive, but sometimes she jumps to conclusions. For example, that I wouldn't try new things or I was scared to. That I wouldn't make new friends at my new work. She doesn't know or remember enough of my history to remember all this stuff. And it pisses me off. It really does.
So sometimes, instead of feeling better when I walk out of there, I feel worse. Plus I'm down $92.
She has done some good stuff. She's identified and caused me to reflect on how intensely angry I am. And I am. She's caused me to reflect on my self-esteem and working on that a bit. It's not like she's useless. But I'm just not feeling that it's that useful.
And because I see her every 3-4 weeks, it's an awful lot of money to be spending on therapy.
Last time I went, about 3 weeks ago, when she was late I said that I was angry and upset that she was late. She commended me for assertively communicating my feelings. Should I communicate that I'm frustrated with the lack lustre approach she has towards a cohesive, and cumulative therapy? Should I just give up on it. I know I'm not well. I'm almost explosive with my anger sometimes, like today. I'm not at peace. And I still sometimes have days where I want to jump off the nearest tall building. Thankfully, not many of those, and it's usually ok the next day or so.
She thinks I've improved a lot since I've seen her, and I guess I've improved a bit. But I think the main reason isn't her at all. It's that my boss has left.
Thoughts?
When I first saw her, I was in a really bad way. Not sleeping. Terribly anxious. Pulling out my hair (literally). So she was really good that first session. She said that I'd been acting like I was in a prison and everyone was watching me, but that I didn't have to feel like that. I was almost paranoid with anxiety that my boss wouldn't approve my probation and I'd be out of a job.
Since then, as you may know, my boss has left and I'm still at the job. It's a lot better, but it's still a hard job and I often find it extremely demanding.
And you'll know, my readers, some of my history. Divorced family. Lots of angst and terror over the break up. Lots of court cases. Sexual abuse and incest. Alcoholism and violence. Running away at 14. And my 20's being a lot of problems with depression, suicidality and the like.
Well, thankfully I'm in a much better place now. Relatively stable and able to cope with most of life. The thing is, am I wasting my money with this therapy?
The reason I ask is that 2 out of the last 4 times my psychologist has been late. At least 15 minutes late. When it's only an hour (really 55 min by the time we finish and pay). She's charged me $150 each time, but it still feels like a lot. And because she's been late, even though she's given me homework, which I've usually completed, she doesn't ask. And when she's late, it feels like she's forgotten my history.
She's also very perceptive, but sometimes she jumps to conclusions. For example, that I wouldn't try new things or I was scared to. That I wouldn't make new friends at my new work. She doesn't know or remember enough of my history to remember all this stuff. And it pisses me off. It really does.
So sometimes, instead of feeling better when I walk out of there, I feel worse. Plus I'm down $92.
She has done some good stuff. She's identified and caused me to reflect on how intensely angry I am. And I am. She's caused me to reflect on my self-esteem and working on that a bit. It's not like she's useless. But I'm just not feeling that it's that useful.
And because I see her every 3-4 weeks, it's an awful lot of money to be spending on therapy.
Last time I went, about 3 weeks ago, when she was late I said that I was angry and upset that she was late. She commended me for assertively communicating my feelings. Should I communicate that I'm frustrated with the lack lustre approach she has towards a cohesive, and cumulative therapy? Should I just give up on it. I know I'm not well. I'm almost explosive with my anger sometimes, like today. I'm not at peace. And I still sometimes have days where I want to jump off the nearest tall building. Thankfully, not many of those, and it's usually ok the next day or so.
She thinks I've improved a lot since I've seen her, and I guess I've improved a bit. But I think the main reason isn't her at all. It's that my boss has left.
Thoughts?
i guess it's tough coz you can't know whether the next one will be any better. and before you could find that out you'd have to re-open all the wounds in order to let them know the foundations of you.
ReplyDeletethe reassuring thing (maybe?) is that there are good ones out there. and you should be able to expect someone who turns up on time and remembers who you are.
D5
Dear George
ReplyDeleteHaving seen many crap psychologists and psychiatrists in the past I can empathise with your predicament. Change to someone else who you can build a better rapport with. There are actually EXCELLENT therapists out there and they are definately worth the money. You may know that I am with the Early Intervention Program, a group of Psychologists that work with mothers who have suffered trauma. A lot of the team also have there own private practice and I can give you the name of many of them. They are AWESOME.
Also I see a fantastic Psychiatrist, who may be may be worth checking out for some meds. Meds are great and should not have any stigma attached. I recently have had a very agitated period and have been helped enormously from taking a new medication in addition to my anti-depressives.
Things really started to improve for me about seven years ago, when I began to take charge of my recovery. I have read hugely helpful books - there is a lot out there that can really help. I also don't take any crap from poor therapists or Christians who want to tell me not to get help. You have experienced severe trauma, and you need as much help as you can find. This is a journey to recovery that will take many years, but is worth it. Take charge of your trip and fight for the loving help that you deserve. Go hard!!!
I will pray for you. Feel free to talk to me. I can recommend some good books to you.
Lucy
I definitely think a new psychologist sounds like a good idea.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!!
Sammi
xxx
Thanks all. I'll keep you in mind Lucy. My normal meds are working well in terms of my mood, so at this stage I'm just going to keep going with them.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll give her one last shot. I think she is a good therapist - I think - she's just been late and obviously that means she doesn't get a chance to read my notes. I'm not sure I want to go over the history with someone else AGAIN and have to set up another mental health plan.
I'll give her another chance, but if it doesn't work out I'll be in touch Lucy! :)
Yep - I'm with Lucy on this one.
ReplyDeleteThe lateness thing is a big factor. I wonder why she is every time ... is she bad at time management??
ReplyDelete