I've been getting grumpy lately
A lot. Facebook is irritating me. I wrote this lovely little rant on Monday (turned out it was PMS so that makes a lot more sense):
and then:
So I've been thinking about this over the last day or so. I think the thing I find hardest about this is the acknowledgement of young mums. Which is justified. And deserved. And needed. I want to say that again - justified, deserved, needed.
But what happens to us - we don't have a bridal shower to celebrate getting married, we don't have a wedding, we don't have a baby shower to celebrate having a baby, we don't have all our friends come over and bring meals.
It just makes you feel like you don't matter. But you do. Everyone matters. It's just that it feels like, sometimes, we don't.
So there you go.
Georgina is thinking that people complain about their lives, but they made the choices. What did they expect???
and then:
Well, it's not you that's complaining. And the stuff they are complaining about isn't easy, but it's always the glass is empty woe is me with these people. And there's no acknowledgement that they wouldn't change their situation for the world anyway. Oh and if you want a clue, I'm sick of being surrounded by young mums and their endless whinging. ... But no acknowledgement that they have a wonderful new permanent relationship. That they've had a unique experience. That they are totally in love with their offspring and wouldn't change it for the world. That being a mum is tough but has great rewards. That they'll have a lifetime of relationships. That when they're old and grey they WILL have someone to look after them and book them into that nursing home. That they have a partner they can ask all the tricky questions. Yes, I'm over it. Can you perhaps tell?
I would hasten to say that the gems can often be young mums, who are keeping perspective and being a little bit aware of others. Many many friends of mine fall into this category.
So I've been thinking about this over the last day or so. I think the thing I find hardest about this is the acknowledgement of young mums. Which is justified. And deserved. And needed. I want to say that again - justified, deserved, needed.
But what happens to us - we don't have a bridal shower to celebrate getting married, we don't have a wedding, we don't have a baby shower to celebrate having a baby, we don't have all our friends come over and bring meals.
It just makes you feel like you don't matter. But you do. Everyone matters. It's just that it feels like, sometimes, we don't.
So there you go.
You matter lots! Well you do to me!
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Yep I second Sammi! And I also know exactly how you feel!
ReplyDeleteyahboosucks.
And it makes me extra super glad that in less than three weeks we're going to have a kick ass holiday together!
But yeah actually (I shouldn't have pressed 'post' so quickly) that whole thing about the lack of milestone celebrations for single people is probably the worst sort of reminder of singleness, isn't it? Because you participate and take a gift and give your best wishes to the person, all the while it making you feel even more distanced and ruffling up that discontent. And then you feel stupid for feeling down about it in the midst of a celebration.
ReplyDeleteAnd it doesn't at all mean that those things shouldn't be celebrated, cos of course they should. But I don't think anyone really thinks about the fact that there just isn't any equivalent for single people.
And just to be cheeky, if you think of it in purely mercenary terms, if you add up all the engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, baby births that you've bought presents for, it ends up being quite a lot, when you never have the opportunity to get such presents yourself! Married couples get to furnish a new home with the presents from their engagement party/wedding...single people just have to go out and buy everything for themselves.
Okay now I'm on the cusp of whingeing so I'll stop. I love my married friends and their children. And I especially love my wonderful single friends!
We just live in a culture of either "look at me, what a beautiful life I've got it's so much better than yours" or "pity me, my life isn't perfect". And women all love to either feel superior or vent. I try hard not to vent in my blog because my parents read it, and if I vent they will think I'm going to get a divorce.
ReplyDeleteAnyway.
I'm going to post a comment that kind of relates to this post, and a bit to one a few posts ago. I've wanted to post this for awhile, but struggled to get my fingers to the keyboard.
It's going to be offensive to some people, no doubt. (Putting on helmet and protective bullet proof vest - come on. I'm ready for you. Kind of. Okay, I'm bluffing. Please be gentle if you don't like it.)
This is mainly aiming at that article about biological clocks. I have been listening to what I think is an awesome podcast - Dr James Dobson's Focus on the Family (Parenting) podcast. He unashamedly plugs foster parenting and adopting. I think foster parenting doesn't get enough bandwidth among Christians that I know. I have only met a couple of Christians who are foster parents, and that was at CMS Summer School. Dr Dobson often reminds me that God calls us to care for the widow, the fatherless and the orphan.
Last time I spoke to you, George, you weren't that into having kids. If you change your mind at some point, and there isn't a bloke ready for a lifelong commitment in sight, maybe you might consider foster parenting. It doesn't have to be 24 x 7. You can be a respite carer, taking a child for a weekend once a month. You can take them to church. I think you would be awesome, because you truly understand a lot of what these kids have been through. Any child in the foster system has experienced abuse - substance abuse, physical abuse. You name it. My heart really goes out to these kids. And the system is so stretched now, a lot of the carers are aging. It's harder to place the older kids.
The widows, the orphans and the fatherless.